This morning the shrill sound of my alarm interupted the extreme bliss of unconciousness. Its at times like this that I find myself envying my friends in comas. There are many sounds I find more pleasant than the one that occurs daily in my bedroom (usually 3 or 4 times)... like fingernails on a chalkboard, The Macarena, and the contagious sound of puking. Thankfully, God knew this and when he created the alarm clock he graciously equipped them with the glorious snooze button. I guess in the olden days man was stirred from slumber by the rooster, and his decision was to wake up or kill the rooster, but now-a-days we find ourselves in a daily struggle between Sleep and Responsibleness.
Responsibleness tells me to get out of bed, but Sleep argues that 9 more minutes won't hurt anyone. Responsibleness counters that the extra time was already accounted for when the alarm was set for 7:40 rather than 7:30, and Sleep responds with a yawn and his greatest weapon, Subconcious. Subconcious is Sleep's henchman, and he answers to only one. How else can you explain his laissez faire attitude when I get up to pee in the middle of the night and bump into or step on every obstacle possible, yet at Sleep's command he precisely directs my flailing arm to the exact destination that is the snooze button. I have found that Suncouncious can pull this move off 5 to 10 times without Responsibleness getting a word in edgewise. Sleep is so persuasive everytime his turn comes up, "No way was that 9 minutes, the alarm just went off," SLAP! "Its only 7:58, might as well take it to the 8's," BOOM! "This dream has a great ending that you do not want to miss." POW! As I slink into work 30 minutes late Responibleness shakes her condescending, nagging head.
Every once in a while Responsibleness get things going the night before. She lays out the next days outfit, pours the cereal into a bowl, and sets the timer on the coffee. I throw her a bone and let her call the shots the next morning... and I regret it everytime. Not only is there the extra time in the day that I have to deal with because of waking up earlier, Sleep is a vengeful loser. He'll make sure and wake me up one minute before the alarm goes off for the rest of the week... even when the alarm isn't set on Saturday. Then he'll sneak up on me while I'm listening to someone's boring story, or reading a book, or driving. He'll attack when I'm just trying to relax and ruin a perfectly enjoyable afternoon of watching golf, or a movie night. Whenever he mercifully allows me to return to irresponsible morning behavior I make sure to spend as much quality time as possible with him for a while to smooth things out. I have even been known to carve out some special one-on-one time in the office parking lot at work, plan my weekends around his schedule and start planning our next hang out session immediately after finishing the previous one. Responsibleness likes to toot her own horn and spout mad noise about how she can lead you to bigger and better things if you'll just listen to her, but ask yourself this... When was the last time a doctor recommended 8 hours of Responsibleness?
No comments:
Post a Comment